30 July 2008

Yeah, that's right, I'm a Hot Mess

I've posted before about losing the Style Mojo. Old news.

This time, though, I've really done it.

Never, ever, ever thought I'd use the phrase "hot mess" to describe myself. Even on my worst days, I'm at minimum passably coordinated and presentable.

Today, all I get is presentable. And that's just 'cause I work in a place that could give two patooties about style and fashion. I'm a fashion Don't all over the place.

Let's use me as a lesson.

Do: Mix patterns in complimentary colors and "weights." For example, pairing the brown plaid with a blue stripe, as I've done today, works just fine.

Presentable points = 1. Style points = .5. Attempted difficulty points = 2

Do: Make sure your clothes fit. It's difficult to do, especially when you're running around like a madwoman. Hence my "slouchy" menswear pants that aren't really slouchy, just too big.

Presentable points = 1. Style points = -1. Attempted difficulty points = .5

Do: not try to be too matchy matchy with accessories. And don't worry too much about matching your jewelry metals - gold and silver together are fine, which is part of why I love my wedding ring - yellow and white gold together gives me even more license. But don't wear a peeling gold-colored belt buckle (the only "professional" belt I own) with shoes with a hammered silver coin accent. Does. Not. Work.

Presentable points = 0. Style points = -5. Attempted difficulty points = .5

Do: wash your hair only as often as you need to. I'm a big proponent of the every couple of days wash. I hear all of you out there screaming, "but if I don't wash my hair every day, it gets so greasy!" Try this: pick a week when it doesn't matter. Don't wash it. Suck it up. And then wash, and see how it is. Try it again the next week, not necessarily going as long - it's kinda like detox for your hair. Washing adds oils from scalp stimulation - needed, but you can overdo it, and washing can dry out your scalp. Plus, everyone knows that "day 5 hair" is the Frenchwoman's answer to perfection. But when it needs washing, wash it, unlike me, who just couldn't deal with the process last night so didn't. Ponytail.

Presentable points = .5. Style points = -5. Attempted difficulty points = 0

Do: Wear the best accessories you own to cheer you up. Like the gorgeous blue topaz ring H bought you for finishing your thesis and you were mad at him for a second for spending the money then you Got Over It because now you have a Cocktail Ring.

Presentable points = 2. Style points = 2. Attempted difficulty points = -5 (c'mon - wearing gorgeous jewelry is such a no brainer no points here at all)

Total Points: -1.5

If I were to publish one of those guides to scores like in Cosmo, this would read: Anything below a 1 is a Hot Mess. You do not deserve to be walking around like this. Take care of yourself. It doesn't take that long. And you certainly shouldn't be writing a style blog. But go easy on yourself, life is hard, and sometimes you Just Can't. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again tomorrow.

*Remember, all of these scores are on a 3-point scale.


Miss Scarlet said...

Well, don't be too hard on yourself. I don't think most people would notice the belt/shoe combo. I've had times where I've explained something like that and the person totally hadn't noticed. And the ring should get you way more points! so hott!

Righteous (re)Style said...

Hey there. Just responded to your comment about the towels.

Jewelry said...

If you are considering this as a marriage point of view then yes "gold Jewelry and silver Jewelry together are fine,"