Dos & Don'ts for Dressing Yourself in the Morning

• Do make sure you take your full length chetah "fur" coat to the cleaners. Matted fake fur is doesn't work any better than matted real fur. Nor does it smell nice to the people behind you on the escalator.
• Don't wear skinny leather pants if you're over, say, any age, and aren't German.
• Do make sure you can walk in your stilettos before you buy them, let alone put them on in the morning.
• Don't carry your oversized hobo bag slipping off of one arm, balancing your left out like you're drunk.
• Do wear the oversized sunglasses (though they are incredibly poor Chanel knockoffs). It's a good way to make sure no one knows who you are when you're dressed like that.

Do pay attention to the Dos & Don'ts above before you get on the Metro in the morning and make my morning with one of the most amusing getups I've seen riding the rails.