In Honor Of

Yesterday, I had to attend a service for a friend and colleague. 52, just remarried with a son who'd just joined the Navy and a stepson who needed him. A fun, vibrant human being with stories to tell and a ready laugh.

It wasn't such a terrible thing, picking out my clothes yesterday. It seems trite, I suppose, to be worried about a thing like that when others have lost their heart. All I had to do was reach in the closet and pull out a dress. T can't ever reach next to her, where B's hand should be, and touch him, just to know he's there.

Yesterday's service got me thinking about the last few I've been to...my cousin, last fall. At 37. I'm sure I thought about it, but have no idea what I wore. He wouldn't have cared, of course. My grandmother, last March. Then, I just had to worry about - ahem - access, since I had to pull out ye olde pump in the car on the way there and back. My grandfather, a few years before that...couldn't tell you.

But about 3 years ago, I had the awful chore of getting ready for the type of funeral (as if there are any) you never, ever, want to have to go to - a child's. He was 17, the only son of friends. He'd had a heart condition, and went into what should have been relatively routine surgery to repair his heart, and never woke up. The grief is unimaginable.

I was pregnant. I was torn. I in no way wanted to be pregnant in front of his mother, the woman who had just lost her baby. I tried on every outfit in my closet, asking H each time which one made me look the least pregnant. I couldn't bear the idea of hurting her any more. Looking back, I'm sure there is no way she would have ever noticed in her grief. How could she have seen anything at all?

But what struck me at the time, and still does, is the delicate dance of showing respect. Clothing may not be important at such a horrible time, but we still use it to try and honor. We probably fall short, but still, we don our grey and black, and wear an appropriate solemn face. Our servicemen and women - whether military or law enforcement - pull out their dress uniforms and shine their buttons.

We tell ourselves it's to honor. I wonder if it's really to sheild.

Style Dilemma: Wandering Egyptian Paths

N wrote in for help:

I will be traveling on vacation to Egypt this coming october and have no idea what to wear! I want to look chic and yet will be doing lots of walking activities and potentially hiking on this trip. Also, because egypt is predominantly Islamic, any clues on what I should definitely avoid (aka no tank tops?)

Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!

Upon followup, it turns out that N is going on the trip because it's been a dream of hers to go visit since she was a kid pouring over ancient egypt books. Her best friend just went this year, and she figures, "Heck if she can, no reason why I can't either." She'll be traveling on a tour with some beach time, city time, and lots of touristy desert walking time. She describes her style as "minimalist," liking clean lines and solids. As for what she won't wear? "Anything that's has a pattern that looks like old wall paper."

Last bit of important information - she's trying to "go backpack," rather than "kitchen sink" on the packing style for this trip.

Dear N,

Excited to help out. As it turns out, bluesuitgirl just made the trip last year. She'd asked for my help, too, specifically on shoes and a bag. Start with that post, and then temper it with her "real trip" advice. I've added some selections based on her recommendations. You also might want to take a look at my response to dariaux' plea for her trip to India.

From bluesuitgirl:

Egypt is such a great experience, you will see sights you have never seen before, crowded streets, slums, the traffic and all sorts of other things ie. animals, pushcarts travelling down the highways. It is improtatnt to remember that Egypt is returning to a more conservative era, meaning many women are covered to the point that only their eyes are showing.

Being a westerner, sometimes we can be a bit disrespectful because we are not aware of the proper norms. You should keep your shoulders and knees covered at all times-- meaning in even 100 degree heat, no tank tops or shorts...and with that you will still be heckeled in the streets and some random men may grab your butt or arm or any other part of your body they can get a quick grasp of. And if they don't actually touch you, they sure will be whistling.

Light t-shirts are great, khakis or cargo pants that are not heavy. Jeans were a bit much in the heat. If you wear dresses, make sure they are knee-length or longer and something over the shoulders. Layer, although it doesn't really get cool at night, it is cool compared to the really hot days.

Sturdy shoes are key. The streets and sidewalks are not in good shape, cute little strappy sandals may prove a bit hazardous when navigating the uneven roadways. If you are spending the day out sightseeing, a big floppy hat is a must--along with lots of sunscreen!

Good luck on your pre-trip shopping, N! And be sure to let us know what you end up buying - and then wearing! If you snap any great shots, we'd love to see those when you get back!