Pssst! I like Myself! Don't tell!

I originally posted this over on my WW Online blog, where I share loads more (too much, really, sometimes, but that’s the whole point, quite frankly) on my #healthyme journey. And because I have such a spring in my step, and because I think it especially relevant to this style blogging world, and because I think I need to share it over here, I am. And you can tell me, like H does (read on), to get over myself. Go ahead.

I'm nobody, who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's two of us, don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know

How dreary to be somebody
How public, like a frog
to tell your name the livelong day
to an admiring bog.*

- Emily Dickinson

I wrote this post's title first. I was thinking about how lovely it is to like Me. I walk down the street nowadays, a little bit giddy to look at my reflection in the store and office building windows. Today, especially, I like my look. I have my Jason Wu for Target shirtdress on, it shows off my legs, and brown booties that are cut just right, so my slender (always, even 20+ lbs ago, it's a blessing) ankles really, well...

ok, enough of that.

I like myself.

I get excited to get dressed. I get excited to try on clothes. I feel good. Heck, I feel great, and I'm not even done #healthyme yet. In fact, I hope, wish, and pray I’ll never be done.

So that's what I was thinking when I typed the title. Then I popped into the "Write your post here" field, and a little Emily Dickinson came out. This is one of my absolutely favoritist pieces of literature, and has been since I was a child. It was especially pertinent in high school, I think, when I was Nobody. Or at least I felt that way.

Nowadays, I'm somebody. I'm a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, colleague, professional...all of those typical roles. I'm also a blogger, and an online presence. I have a small social media addiction, I suppose (even WW online counts, I think). H is always telling me to get over myself. But I get really excited when I get an invitation to an honestly exclusive event, or, [drumroll. seriously, drumroll] I get asked to "host" an in-store shopping event for a national clothing chain. Because some PR person did her homework and actually read my blog, which tells, in part, my #healthyme story. And then she offers clothes. Seriously.

H is proud, but he also reminds me "get over yourself." Regularly.

And then I typed Emily's words. They just came out. Maybe it's my psyche's way of keeping me humble and focused on What's Really Important about all of this: I'm healthy again, and continuing to improve that. I feel better. I like Me better. And I'm changing my life for the better, one bite, one meal, and one workout at a time.

*Ok, you literature geeks, I know I don't have all of Emily's unusual phrasing, capitalization, line breaks, or punctuation correct. And I'm not going to go look it up. At least not until later today, when I dig it out to read it to The Bean again. I'm teaching it to her by heart.

Healthy Style: Confessions of a Closet Sinner

Back when the Jason Wu for Target anticipation was high, I determined that I wouldn't go crazy and attempt a shopping trip like I'd planned for the Missoni for Target collection. I'd seen the pieces in evey blog imaginable, lookbooks, and tumblrs, and while they were sweet, I strongly suspected they wouldn't suit me. Adorable, but my body and Germanic boned fram rarely do "adorable" (think Valkyrie, or beermaid, and you're more on target; I'll even take "swimmer").

But then I woke that Saturday morning (probably ridiculously early because of the Beans), and saw my twitter feed lighting up with purchases (hooray for Target for getting your site up to snuff for the onslaught). I thought: "I'm not going to fire up the computer, but let me see - just out of curiosity - what's still there. I'll use my Droid app."

To the app I go, and browse around. There still appears to be stuff available. And it might just - maybe - fit me. "I can do t-shirt dresses," I thought. "And shift dresses are my friend."

But size. What do I do about size? "I'm pretty much at my heaviest," I think. So into my cart go the "Ls." 2 dresses and a blouse. Even though I'd sworn off button down blouses as not flattering to me, I was in love with the bright, sunny red. And who doesn't love pleats?

Jersey Dress, Collared Cap Sleeve Dress, Sleeveless Pleated Shift Dress

"I can always return them, and make someone else happy that they got a second chance to buy them," went my logic.

Or - and here goes the Closet Sin Confession - I can wait to wear them until I loose weight. Um? Yeah. Every girl knows Do Not Buy Things To Fit In Later. Ever.

But the hype worked. And I rationalized. So I risked having 3 items hanging in my closet that I'd never wear.

Bad Fashionista.

Tap. Type. Credit card.

The Target app rocks.

Fast forward, weeks later, and my purchases arrive. I didn't want to try them on. Though I'd bought them before I put my "I'm not buying any more clothes until I'm healthy" sanction went into place, I was honestly afraid that they'd be so drastically small. I waited.

A few days later, the curiosity got me. I openend the slim package and tried them on.

The blouse fit, allbeit a teeeensy bit tighter than I'd like. It worked with a skirt. I wore it that day. The pleated dress was a little bit snug, and probably too short for the office. But not so snug that I wasn't willing to return it. Because, you know, since I'd already sinned, I could continue the fantasy: It Might Fit Later.

The I couldn't, though, stomach trying on the t-shirt dress, despite the fact it was likely the most forgiving and flattering. I hung them all in the closet, waiting for Someday Later When I'm Skinnier.

[Fast Forward to Week 5 of #healthyme on Weight Watchers. Which would be last Friday, for those counting. But who's counting.]

Casual Friday in an already business casual office generally means jeans. But I didn't want to wear jeans. And I am a dressoholic, and I'd weighed in the day before at 11.9lbs lighter than when I started #healthyme. I've lost inches off all of the Places One Measures: waist, bust, hips, thighs, arms.

I put on the t-shirt dress.

I'm fairly certain my neighbors could hear my shrieks of joy. Some of you saw my tweet.

I tried a belt, a la Allie's great "What do I do when I'm losing weight to make my clothes fit" post. It worked shape-wise, but none of the belts in my drawer (at least none of the ones in there that morning, since my Beans regularly ransack my belt drawer; they're obsessed, seriously obsessed) really worked. So I let it hang, and delighted in the lovely lightweight jersey.

The dress, unlike some of Target's general stuff, is what I'd hope for from a hi-lo line. It's more delicate, finer, shall we say, than a regular t-shirt dress, but still has a good, weighty hand. True to Wu, the details, like a slightly sheer stipe and sleeve trim, aren't visible on the website picture. Never mind that the colors are springy, summery, and just a tad unexpected: navy and bright red are predictable enough, but the barely pink blush instead of white or cream makes the palette.

Yes, oh, Infintessimal Readership, this is a long post. But I'm excited. I'm excited because my #healthyme hard work is paying off. I'm excited because I long-shot purchase I'd never, ever advise anyone to risk (do as I say, not as I do, do not attempt at home, and all that jazz) worked much better than I'd thought. I'm excited because I feel great...and am on my way to feeling even better.

Bring it on!