Writing, checking in, and, oh yeah...10 years.

A little unorthodox for me on here, but at just past the 10 year mark (yes. 10. I've written here for TEN FREAKING YEARS), I'm wondering where this site and my writing will take me. So in the face of storied Weight Watchers online community IT issues (if you're a WWer using eTools of any kind, you know what I mean) that wouldn't let me post my darn WW blog this morning, I'm sharing it here. I needed it to be out there in a universe.

i'm checking in. i'm checking in with me - and you all just happen to be there. as usual, i don't have a lot of time, a deadline looming, but i've set my mind to recognizing that helpful things 99.9% of the time don't take much time or much effort.

so i'm writing.

i’ve had a number of mini-realizations in the last week or so - reminders, really - that i’m most centered when i’m writing. when i’m most centered, i can make productive, helpful decisions, like:


responding kindly, instead of harshly to those around me, including my babies

stopping to drink a glass of water instead of shoving some cookie in my mouth

pausing before collapsing into bed to swing my reluctant body through a single sun salutation and a twist or two

making a list of things i want to accomplish during the day

give my husband a kiss instead of an eye roll


if i stop for 5 minutes (i wish i’d timed this for myself, would’ve been useful data) and dump it out, whatever comes, i’m more me.

i’ve been tapering. i haven’t been tracking as well as i’d like. i’m still dragging my feet on getting back into the smart choices. i feel good about the possibilities smart points offers me, and i know tracking smart choices helps me oh, so much. and teenagery me is still there. so i’m tapering into my semi-annual food-based cleanse (a lot of you know about them - join me, ellen is a-MAZ-ing). i’m looking forward to it as a way to start making my choices well and reminding myself how good i can feel when i fuel well.

heck, i’m looking forward to the green.

i’ve barely seen a leaf lately, and i’m not talking about the ones now blanketing our backyard because we had no idea how much work it is to rake them all. my body and my mind miss the green. so starting monday, once i’m caffeine-free (except for green tea and cacao), and gluten-, dairy-, alcohol-, red meat-, egg-, and sugar-free (yes, it seems extreme, but in practice, i find it very calming and helpful, once i did it the first time around), those greens will roll in.

this time around, it may look different. i haven’t wanted a smoothie, for example - which i had obsessively every morning for almost 3 years - in months. i’m craving different. so i’ll listen to my body, and maybe have broth for breakfast (cannot wait to make this smitten kitchen/atk one now that i have a slow cooker), then something else later. i’m open. i might be more open now than before, but i’m getting ready.

and i’m writing.

PS - this view, on a 3+ hour drive from MD to WV for the dayjob, is part of what reminded me i need to write.

Healthy Style: On Badassery

I originally posted a version of this over on my Weight Watchers Online blog. But I thought this fashion-interested world might want to read it...so here it is.

We've all been using it.

"I feel like a BAMF."

"I'm one of those people out in the freezing cold, running."

As compliments to others on their running, their yoga, their Tough Mudder, or their Crossfit,

"BEAST!"

It struck me the other day, as I read a post from a running friend about how and why to run in the cold. I'm with her, 100%, I've found I love it, but something isn't sitting right about one of her reasons for getting out in the cold: "I'm usually the only one out there at 5am in the freezing cold, and if I see others, they're usually much younger, and men. So own the BAMF of being out there," or something like that. Why do we want to be a badass? Or maybe the question is "why do we call a strong, accomplished person who pushes themselves towards goals a badass?"

Isn't that a derogatory term?

We certainly use other phrases and words to describe our womanly selves: strong, committed, dedicated, healthy, thoughtful, gorgeous, brilliant... So why do we feel the need to steal terminology that otherwise applies to people we do not want to be? Even in my bloggery fashion world, I've got a Rocker Chic(k) Pinterest board, with lots of leather and studs, shit-kicker boots, and black eyeliner. I love that stuff. In fact, I'm wearing all black and my combat-like boots today (allbeit with a cozy hand-knit scarf, white wool coat, and fur hat and gloves, balancing that badass).

The fashion-y version of badass. Bullet bracelets and The Real Deal

I suppose it's because we want to feel strong - even when we don't. We want to feel that we can do anything, and byjesus, those biker chicks who kick their biker boys' a.sses whenever they like, well, they can do anything. I suppose it's because we want to leave the doubt of our "softer selves" behind, and charge forward without looking back. I suppose it's because, somehow, boys are still better at this than we are. In our heads, at least. I mean, really, no matter how strong a feminist we are - ahem - I am - there's still doubt. All the rocker chicks and wrestling divas and I'll-give-birth-then-acquire-a-company-2-hours-later CEOs, well, aren't they simply emulating the male?

I hear it now. If this were to "take off" on the interwebs like things do now, I'd be bashed up one side and down the other for saying women just want to be men.

It's alright. I can take it. I'm one of those BAMFer-ines people talk about.

For her birthday last year, H gave the newly 6-year-old Bean a "comic book" of Athena myths. She (and her brother) loves it. Admittedly, I picked it out for her, knowing he'd want her to have a link to her Greek heritage. And what better link than the original lady badass? True, Princess Diana, aka Wonder Woman (also a hero in our superhero-ridden home), also comes from old mythology and the strength of the ages, but Athena? Don't mess with her. It's a message H and I want to the Bean to hear.

The Bean reading Athena to her brother

Be strong. Be true. Be honest. Be kind. Honor your parents and your elders. Speak up for and protect those who cannot speak for or defend themselves. Honor your heritage, your body, and your self by taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically.

And if a devious demi-god tries to get in the way, hold your head high, look forward, and walk right over them with your a.ss-kicking motorcycle boots.

 This year, she's going with a Frye Veronica slouch boot (last year, it was the moto-like Engineer Pull-on, kids' styles, here. We got hers at Nordstrom.). I, on the other hand, got my combat boots at Target

Move Over, Gwyneth

I originally posted this over on my Weight Watchers Online Community blog. It's been a while since I shared here about my #healthyme journey, though, so since there was a stunning dress involved, I thought I'd post. It's been almost 2 years since I started this journey (check out the beginning over here), and while I've been on track for the most part, this past summer was really rough on me, my eating, and my activity. Here's the story of my little wakeup call, how I responded, and the dress I got to wear as a result.

Really. Eating clean works.

I mean, we all know this, but we all (not so) conveniently forget it. I had to remember over the last 3+ weeks, as I'd chosen to do a cleanse. It was a food-based cleanse led by the amazing nutritionist Ellen Kittridge, and my second attempt at a cleanse, at that. (My first attempt was Dr. Alejandro Junger's Clean Program. You know the one Gwyneth does? It was good, I felt great, and was happy eating clean. But a combination of the plan's restrictions and running nearly headlong into Easter candy sent me on a downhill spiral from which I just recovered.)

An unfiltered look at the stunning color of my beet, avocado, beet greens, banana, chia seed, raw cacao powder (with maca), and coconut water smoothie. I smoothie every morning for breakfast (after a glass of warm lemon water). I've been smoothieing since the beginning of the year, and feel best when I have this "ice cream for breakfast," as one of my WW friends says. Also, who knew? Chocolate + beets? OMG divine.

For me, the cleanse I just completed reminds me that:

• Eating whole foods is better: tastier, more fueling, and more nutritionally dense
• Eating more processed foods leaves me wanting: taste, fuel, and nutrition
• Eating sugar is not as tasty as I thought it was (seriously, sweet is too sweet now for me. I pray that stays around!), and it is not fueling nor is it nutritious
• Staying hydrated is very useful
• Eating enough to fuel and satisfy, but not more, is also very useful

One of my favorite dishes I picked up on the cleanse: a sweet potato and red lentil red curry soup with spinach. It's insanely easy to make, and with a squeeze of lime over? Eye rolling good. I was sad when I finished the last bowl of it for lunch yesterday.

All of this, folks, because I'm back on the losing train. I've been fighting (not very hard, mind you, which is why it wasn't coming off) to lose the last of the 10lbs I gained back over the summer's not-clean-eating reign. I didn't lose during the cleanse (there may or may not have been some fresh date+sunflowerseed butter madness in the evenings), but I didn't gain. And now that I've woken up and smelled the daily lemon water (I'm still caffeine-free, too!), well, I've stopped the nibbling and guess what? Down 1.5lbs.

Boom.

The wakeup call? It may or may not have been trying on the two Rent the Runway dresses I "borrowed" for the White Hat USA inaugural gala last night. (I'll do more of a review next week of the experience I started over here, but for those of you who have events, anything from a wedding to a black tie gala, this service? Crazy awesome. Dress rental. Duh. All price ranges, and you get to wear @#$% you'd never even think you could afford.)

All dresses fit, and the bigger size was too big (you get to borrow a bigger size for free, just in case), but as good as I felt and looked, let's just say I'm glad I'd not let gluten and dairy back in fully yet (since they sometimes to bloat me). I'm certainly going to reintroduce those things and see what happens, but I was on a dress-wearing-in-which-photos-will-be-taken mission.

The first dress I tried on a lovely, striking, and classic Narciso Rodriguez. This was Rosa and Bean No.2's favorite.

And then I tried on my obsession dress, an incredible Viktor & Rolf. The Bean loved this one, No.2 did not. This got the most #twitterfashionshow votes, and I felt amazing in it. Even if I did have to wear the belt from the larger size. My favorite comment? E of District of Chic wrote, "Boom goes the dynamite." I laughed. And I felt exactly like that.

With 2 days to go, I set out to eat as cleanly as possible, eating what I need to fuel my body well and enjoy it at the same time. I was hoping the belt might fit a little less snugly by the time Thursday came around.

This week I felt good and strong. I felt in control. I felt happy with my food choices, and satiated in nutrition, fuel, and taste - even without the activity that my bum knee still won't quite let me have (this weekend! Can't wait!). That's a huge win, people.

H and I in our "prom picture," before stepping out. I'll say it. I know I look good. But more importantly, I felt incredible. Absolutely incredible, glamorous, and, perhaps most important of all, comfortable and happy. I was also thrilled with my accessories. A reliable Ann Taylor satin and patent clutch from oh, about 2006, let me carry phone, card case, lipstick and gloss, and still have room for my Mom-Mom's rouched gloves once I took them off (I needed them last night! It was freezing!). My MIL's vintage fur stole kept me warm and cozy. My earrings were long, delicately colored danglers I got somewhere pre-Beans, and I pinned my braids up with a favorite hairpin I stalked back in the day at Simply Soles.

But looking this good in a dress? It's a dream. Quite literally one I never even allowed myself to have. Who woulda thunk I'd be wearing literally red carpet (and we're not talking the crap ass 3rd tier "premier" in the star's hometown, here, but LA-NY-London-level) gowns?

My newly rediscovered J. Renée sandals, bought ages ago on a lark in South Beach...

My two favorite men of the night, Dealer Doug, who kindly taught me the basics of H's favorite game, craps, and H. Also, it's a lot easier to learn a game when you're playing with funny money.

I bet on my Beans: I put "money" on the 4 and the 6 (their approximate ages). I didn't win (I'm a horrible gambler), but by "betting on our kids," the silent auction, and other fundraising activities throughout the night, we raised $327,000 for Children's National Medical Center and honored a volunteer who was once a patient. It was a pretty incredible and humbling evening.

I turned 40 Wednesday. And as my friend M and I texted (the dear friend with whom I ran the last leg of the Baltimore Running Festival relay marathon two weeks ago), "It doesn't hurt that we're fitter at 40 than we ever were at 30."

Move over Gwyneth (and Nicole and Michelle and ...), there's a new clean eating sheriff in town.

Weekend Style: Thanksgiving Casual

I lurv Thanksgiving.

Let me qualify that. I lurv any holiday on which I get to plan and cook a massive meal.

Style, in these cases, takes a back seat for me, big time. Because I'm happily cooking and setting a pretty table, I rarely have time to shower before guests arrive, let alone plan a fancy-pants ensemble. My hair? Usually pulled back, and highly dependent on it's state of cleanliness. My makeup? It's a well-timed plan (that I was able to execute on time) that lets me put on mascara, instead of relying on my "concealer, powder, and (now staple) red lipstick."

Seriously, that red lipstick is a lifesaver. Lets me pretend I cared about my face.

Back to the ensemble. This year, I can easily rely on my casual uniform, as it's polished and cozy all at the same time. Skinnies + layered tops + moccasins = done.

L-R:

Crewneck sweater - in my case, it's a Gap version (in navy, rather than the grey pictured here), bought (at Stacy London's recommendation) small for the fitted, rather than slouchy look. I also love my black Target version.

Plaid button down in fun colors - here, I've got a blue and purple Target one, of which I have a red/navy and a navy/red version that's not visible on the website. But any lightweight plaid will do. Unless you're planning on a post-meal hike, stick to light fabrics, rather than rely on flannel. Or, skip the sweater and go flannel, perhaps belted.

Skinnies - I'm in love with my Gap Always Skinny Cords. They're softer than soft, comfy, and I have a tan version that's very Potomac Housewife with my navy sweater. Here, I've got a greyish pair that would be lovely in a monochromatic ensemble

Moccasins - sure, you could go predictable (and I do love the look) with riding boots, but as we're hosting (and I'm cooking), my Minnetonka Kitlies are it. They might as well be slippers.

And for those of you who might care, here's how I tackle Thanksgiving, along with a peek at our menu. I'm a plantastic girl.

To start, I am choosing a reasonable Thanksgiving menu. I love, love, love to cook, and especially to cook a big meal. Now, we aren't having many people, just 2 family friends, for a total of 5 adults and 2 kids, but still, I love to plan and execute to that plan. My first task today, before I do anything else, really, will be to literally plan out, 15m x 15m, my next 18 hours. Then I can check it all off as I go. Granted, it won't always go as planned, and I'll have to adjust along the way, but I do love my plans. They're usually color coded.

1) Confirm a menu. I do consult H, particularly as a "check" that I'm not planning too much. We've settled on:

• Turkey + gravy (using Sassy Radish's Alton-adjusted method)
• Sausage and Cornbread Stuffing (using Baking Illustrated's cornbread recipe to make my own)
• Butternut Squash and Yukon Gold Potatoes
• Brussel Sprouts and Carrots (an epicurious find, and so. darned. good.)
• Romanian Sauerkraut (MIL's "recipe," and an if-you-have-turkey-you-have-to-have item in our house)
• Cornichons (also necessary with turkey in our Romanian-ish household)
• Pumpkin Pie (from Baking Illustrated, complete with homemade crust. If you're gonna go, go big. Also, I will send pie home with people. And go work out!)
• Maybe some chocolate chip cookies, for The Beans, as they don't do pie yet.
• Wine
• H will put out some salamis & such (Romanian, again) before hand.

2) Assess the cupboards against recipe ingredients, then make my shopping list. I'm forever buying things I already have.

3) Shop. Did this yesterday after taking The Bean to the doctor.

4) Make the Plan. To do this, I work in two directions. First, I list out (on paper, mind you, none of this e-stuff) all of the dishes I'm making. Then I list out all of the non-food-related tasks (like setting the table and ironing the tablecloth). Then, working backward from "eat time," I start with the Big Main Dish, in this case the turkey, and time out the dishes to work with oven temps and resting times, etc.

For example, the bird's supposed to take 2-2.5 hours + 30m resting time. We want to eat at 3. So the bird has to go in around noon, to be safe. Back that up 3+ hours for it to come to room temp before it goes in, and it's out of the fridge NLT 8am.

5) Check off dishes and tasks as I add them to the plan.

6) Check off items as I proceed through the schedule. This may very well be my favorite part. My plans tend to stay on the fridge long after they're executed.

7) New for this year, the #healthyme Thanksgiving plan: load up my plate with the brussel sprouts and a little bit of turkey, with tastes of everything else. I will load up on fruits, veggies, and H20 as I cook. And coffee.

Here's wishing you and yours the holiday you want and need. May the travel, food, and family gods be kind and generous to you all.

Healthy Style: Of Flannel PJs, Sexy Underthings, and Other Small Victories

For anyone who's followed me on twitter lately, you've seen that I've been a big. fat. crankypants. Well, as part of that, and similar to when I had my epiphany a while back that my level of activity has a direct correlation to my mood, I've realized that the journaling I've done on this #healthyme journey (by way of my Weight Watchers blog, mostly) has also been critical to my mood.

Guess what?

I hadn't been journaling lately.

Now, I'm not saying this is the sole factor in my State of Crankypants, but it certainly is A Factor. So this morning, after I got done with a regular DayJob meeting, I re-started that journaling. And this is what I wrote, edited just a bit.

i'm going to start with my maintenance "Non-Scale Victories."

1: i've stayed w/in +llb and -4lb of goal weight. (WW recommends +/- 2lbs of your goal weight)

2: i purposely haven't taken my measurements (am waiting til the end of the formal 6 weeks of WW "maintenance"), but i still need to buy new/tailor old clothes, even the ones i bought prior to san diego.

3: i bought pretty cozy snowflake pajama pants. in an "S." they make me happy when i put them on every day after work.

Target Gilligan & O'Malley Women's Flannel Pajama Pant

4: i very happily bought sexy underthings. and new "regular" underwear, to replace the in-some-cases-nearly-10yo pairs in my drawer (seriously, VS cotton underwear, and in particularly, the PINK stuff, is SOLID)

5: since hitting my goal weight and going on "maintenance," i've had lots of pictures taken of me, and i didn't hate any of them. most of them, i loved. if you remember, this was part of what got me onto this #healthyme path to begin with.

6: i've maintained my commitment to stay active. i've been to a formal activity (gym, yoga, gym class) at least 2x/week, mostly 3x/week.

Image via

7: i am stronger and more flexible. i'm finally getting into up dog(ish) and was one of the few people in a sort of muscle/power/cardio class i went to on monday who shook her booty while doing the moves. it's something trainerjen has been trying to get me to do since february.

8: my default is fruit and vegetables, rather than cookies and ice cream. this doesn't mean i don't have the latter, but it does mean that i'm more apt to pick the former. my dinner/cooking default is also fruit/veg.

Image via

9: i'm shifting to whole foods, vice "reduced fat/sugar" processes ones. translation: butter vice smart balance. regular cheese vice reduced fat. and then watching the amounts. i'm using my fat and protein more mindfully.

10: i'm getting more sleep. we won't discuss this further, lest it become a goal discussion. but i'm getting more sleep.

11: i'm watching less tv. this translates to more time with the beans, whether chasing each other around the house, doing 7 puzzles at once (we did this the other night), baking scones to take to a dear friend, or just plain old reading side-by-side (they with their books, me with mine).

Image via

12: i survived halloween w/in healthy weight range

13: i'm going to be in a video. on the interwebs. it's just a teeny one, a bit of a spoof, but the person who asked me to collaborate on it rocks. i'm keeping the rest of it secret for now, until it's "release." most importantly, i wasn't the least bit negatively self-concious, only self-aware in the best of wasy such that i was a little bit silly and fairly present.

yup. 13. because i'm taking on the world. watch out.

now i feel better.

Week in Style: Shopping and Goals and Punks, Oh My!

More DayJob insanity, so here's a quick and dirty on the erstwhile style insanity...

Ready, set...GO!

1) New Nordstrom Rack in Tyson's - if you follow any of the DC style blogging set on Instagram, you saw all sorts of fabulous fashion finds getting scooped up in a sneak peek. The grand opening was last night (Thursday). My favorite shot? This one of Allie of Wardrobe Oxygen in the jacket I made her promise to buy so we could go out in our badass jacket and Union Jack skinnies together. (Here's Allie's feed, btw)

2) District Sample Sale - Duh. TravelinJames, The Chelsea Chronicles, and I scooped up crazy bargains in their first ever DSS. Since I haven't gotten to a real post on it, check out our finds over in my DC Celine facebook album, here.

3) I hit my true end weight goal and earned a big ass star on Weight Watchers. There's a lot more behind this, much of it having to do with the real results of #healthyme, trying on boutique clothes, and getting stopped by strangers, but still, that star is one I never thought I'd get. Now the real fun begins.

DSS Morning After shot at my gym, following a TrainerJen workout, and 2 days before the weigh in where I hit goal. Jacket: Nordstrom Rack (Friendship Heights); Necklace: Queen Bee Designs (DSS); Tank: Target; Skirt: Banana Republic (yes it's too big now and it's one I bought for #OperationBoothBabe); Belt: Banana Republic; Not pictured, Python Platform Pumps (Stuart Weitzman from Simply Soles)

4) The Metropolitan Museum of Art Announced a New Costume Institute Exhibit - book your tickets now. To quote the press release, which blissfully arrived in my inbox yesterday, "The Metropolitan Museum of Art announced today that the spring 2013 exhibition organized by The Costume Institute will be PUNK: Chaos to Couture.  The exhibition, which will be on view from May 9 through August 11, 2013 (preceded on May 6 by The Costume Institute Benefit), will examine punk’s impact from its birth in the 1970s through its continuing influence on high fashion today." I'm envisioning all sorts of ridiculously wonderful insanity of punk, with a dash of the Anglomania exhibit and the eye for a exhibit design that will blow our minds.

Left: Sid Vicious, 1977. Courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Photograph © Dennis Morris - all rights reserved; Right: Karl Lagerfeld (French, born Hamburg, 1938) for House of Chanel (French, founded 1913), 2011. Vogue, March 2011. Courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Photograph by David Sims, both via

Think I can get myself invited to the May 6, 2013, Gala Benefit with Co-Chairs Rooney Mara, Lauren Santo Domingo, Riccardo Tisci, and Anna Wintour?



Healthy Style: I Rock. Thank You.

As with many of my #healthyme posts, I originally posted this on my WW Online blog. And no, I don't think I'm e.e. cummings. I just wrote it very quickly and didn't feel like editing it.

a ww online friend wrote a very important post. i'm going to blatantly copy it (and i told her so), because i think the topic is that important. it also piggybacks off of my post yesterday, in which i try to talk myself into accepting help and not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders by myself.

Richard Avedon's 1955 "Dovima with Elephants," which fetched a remarkable $1.1M+ at auction in 2010 (Dior, whose design Dovima wears, won the legendary bidding war). Image via

i got a compliment this morning. a lady waiting to cross the street next to me said "that's a really cute bag you have." "thank you." i wanted to ask her which one she meant, as i had two cute bags (duh). but i didn't.

i got a compliment yesterday morning. a lady leaned out of her truck window as she pulled out of her starbucks parking spot, and said "i really like your outfit. it's great." once i realized she was talking to me, "thank you."

just before that, i'd noticed two women in the starbucks. one had the most beautiful, striking contrast between her long, silver hair and her dark eyes and eyebrows. i should have complimented her. i didn't. i don't know why.

the other woman had an elegant, almost old fashioned updo that rolled her dark tresses into a soft shape around the base of her head. she had a reddish streak on the side of her head that just made it sing. i told her i liked her hair, that it was so elegant, and it looked really nice. she, slightly surprised, said, "thank you."

i'm a huge believer in random compliments. they make our days, don't they? even the catcall makes our day in a way we don't really want to accept. so if i notice something special about a stranger, i try to approach them and tell them. it makes my day to see how delighted they are.

so why, oh, why do we not compliment ourselves? why, oh why, when we can give compliments so freely, can we not accept them gracefully? i suppose it's some ingrained western psychological downfall. or it's just something we need to learn. it is, i think, a massive step in maintaining a level of self confidence that exudes strength, grace, and humility, three qualities i happen to think critical to succeed in this world.

therefore, and in solidarity with my online friend, and in the hopes that this catches on like wildfire, quite frankly, i challenge you today. i challenge you, as she did in her post, to leave a compliment in the comments. for yourself and without caveats or deflection. own it. then thank yourself for it. like she did, i'll start (with the one i left in her comments):

i watched myself during my workout today, and i loved what i saw in the mirror: strong shoulders, a defined clavicle, arms that show off the muscles that make them, legs that support me in their slender and muscular glory. thank you.

now. once you've done that, find a random person, a stranger, preferably, that strikes you in some way, and pass it on. see if they are able to gracefully accept it. like you're going to learn to do.

Healthy Style: Ooops! I Did It Again, OR Being a Warrior, and Not in the Way You Think

It's been a while since my last #healthyme update. In some ways, I'm much farther along in this journey than I ever imagined I'd be. And I've also learned, acknoweldged, and accepted, that while I've had some incredible "non-scale victories" lately, like walking into Nolita boutiques during #BeanintheBigApple and just picking up a dress, trying it on, and having it fit without batting an eyelash, or looking forward to buying more than shoes and accessories at the District Sample Sale in a few weeks, this is truly a lifelong journey. Readers and online friends have been incredibly kind and receptive when I've shared. So I thought I'd share a little bit more. So here's where I am, today.

This image, by Steven Meisel of Karolina Kurkova from US Vogue 2004 (via), is, to me, a picture of pure, graceful, and vulnerable warrior strength. Read on, and I'll explain.

I lowered my Weight Watchers goal weight 3 more pounds. This is now the 3rd time I've lowered my goal weight.

I've thought a lot about this. A LOT.

I hope I've challenged myself and my assumptions and my perceptions and my processing of others' comments about how I shouldn't lose any more weight and I should be careful and, and, and... Because no matter what I'd love to say about how important those comments are to me (preferably not so important), they are. Very.

A sage, strong woman I've met in the Weight Watchers Online community (and, who, by the way, butchers some of her own meat and fly fishes; she is my hero) described her "happy place" this way: "xxlbs, which means no muffin top in the size x skinnies, and I can't pinch an inch." xes because the number is not important. It really isn't. It is, however, important to me that there's no "dent" at the top of a fitted pant, that my VPL are not from a too-tight thong waist, and that when I wear a fitted knit dress, there's no bumpy stuff on either side of my bra. Vanity is reality.

It's also about health. It's also about sense of self. It's also about feeling and being strong. It's also about being patient and kind to my Self. It's also about being a warrior.

I was lucky enough to get an inadvertent private yoga session today with TrainerJen. Let's just say getting to yoga is long overdue for me. I struggled. Well, my brain wanted to struggle. And so TrainerJen kept reminding me to use my breath, let my breath carry me, and to just let the chatter be (because the brain will chatter, so no use in working to get rid of it).

I teetered. I tottered. My breath caught in places I didn't want it to. I couldn't get my chest to open up, or my heart to soar. And we repeated sequences over and over, opening a little more with each caught breath, returning to each breath, and shifting a hip, an elbow, a chin, or a shoulder to find that place where, as TrainerJen reminded me, "you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders."

That one is hard.

On and off throughout the session, I noticed that my breath and eyes were nearing a sob. That's not unusual for me in a yoga session. I don't suppose it's unusual or unexpected for a lot of people. For whatever reason, it didn't come. And that's just fine.

After the last Om and namaste, we chatted. We chatted about what it means to be a warrior. There's an assumption in our western world that "warrior" equals "aggressor." Instinctually, I know that's not the case. A warrior is patient, noble, strong, and deliberate. A warrior acknowledges her strength and her self. A warrior understands her softer places and her vulnerable places, then builds those places into her strength.

A warrior also understands that help - and accepting help - is a loving gesture. That, perhaps, is the toughest thing to acknowledge, for me. My shoulders want to carry the world. Whether they take that upon themselves on their own, because I'm me, or whether our lives have taught them that, I'm not sure. But I'm going to try to acknowledge my limits, and patiently accept even my own help, in the form of deliberate, noble, strong steps. Those steps can be simple: making a list and checking things off one by one. Those steps can be complicated: asking for help from a place that has strings attached. But I'm going to do it.

And with that acceptance, and that sense of my warrior self, I will continue faithfully on this path of physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Warrior, heal thyself.

Guest Post: A Weight Watchers Online Buddy In Defense on Neon and Lycra

A while back, in anticipation of an actual vacation, I asked a few online friends if they would be so kind as to "pen" a guest post for me while I'm away. I realized after the fact that the women I've asked all have voices that have become important to me - all for different reasons. So I'd like to share them with you.

Another voice from my #healthyme journey, Cheryl is an inspiration. There's an odd community - rather, an unexpected (for me, at least) community - on Weight Watchers Online. When I joined Weight Watchers in February, I started reading the blogs - more online journals, really - of other folks on this journey. Cheryl's was one. Exceptionally smart (graduate student of the Nth degree), savvy (fantastic writer), and stylish (even her progress pics she posts are in stylish gear), she's turned into support for me as I succeed, waver, and get healthy. So here's what she has to say.

As a lady with a strong sartorial perspective, I never reconciled with the fact that my fitness wardrobe was pitiful and depressing. When I began working at a gym as a teenager, I basically wore a version of my adolescent gym uniform to work out: oversized cotton t-shirt, sub yoga pants for terry shorts.

I collected any free, screenprinted t-shirt and saved it for the gym. I have the “Karate for Kids 1999 SoCal Championship” and the concert T from when I saw Britney Spears in Vegas in 2001 (i.e., the Good Ole Days), and in 2007 added my “UCLA Class of 2007” T to the rotation. Since I would NEVER wear a screenprinted T in normal life, I suppose I enjoyed having a place to wear shirts with sentimental value.

Not even joking, the only reason why I stopped wearing them is that I gained weight a couple years ago and they felt too restrictive. My cotton yoga pants didn’t mind the weight gain much, but the t-shirts felt awful with the extra weight. Even though I buy new clothes for my regular wardrobe, oh, all the time, I am terrible about maintaining a good fitness wardrobe. The question I’d like to grapple with is, does it matter? Should we care what we dress like when we exercise? Should we save the money for Marc Jacobs dresses and Anthropologie finds?

I’ve really struggled with this question, but I write today to argue that there are real benefits to putting effort into your fitness clothing, and that you really can wear fitted, neon hued gear before you look like an Olympian, and it can actually be slimming and conducive to a good workout. You can also find decent quality gear without stepping into a Lulu. So here is my argument:

When I decided to make a commitment to health in January (I know, cliché of cliches), I was forced to buy workout clothes that fit, and I dreaded the task. Here’s the thing about fitness apparel: it is made for people who don’t need to work out. Most workout gear is not terribly forgiving, and I think I avoided the spandex and lycra in novel shades of pink because I didn’t think I could wear it, ever. I decided on these slimming (note: ‘compression’ is a good word) microfiber pants at a huge discount, this racerback from Target for even more slimming action, and then these shirts in an XL to wear over them (I needed my Cotton T!). The cotton T wasn’t even oversized. It was fitted over my hips. I weighed very close to 200 lbs.

So I wore this (I bought a few colors of each: light gray, dark gray and black of all of the above), and wore the ensemble to the gym for cardio and lifting, to my yoga classes. When I started Couch to 5k in late February, I started to wear the same outfit running. Of course, by then, I had lost about 15 lbs, and the t-shirt was now “Loose” like the tag promised.

I had never been a runner, and C25K was the first time I had ever run a mile non-stop. It was also the first time I experienced MarathonTattoos. After a run one day (and this is March in Chicago, so it’s not like it was 80 degrees), the now loose cotton T’s seams were below my armpit became moistened. To continue to TMI you, the moist seams rubbed against my arm and my side with every step. I had a huge rash on my side. It took one Google to find out that cotton is THE WORST material to workout in. It soaks up sweat, making the garment heavier, and if it’s rubbing, it will cause chafing (YES IT DOES). Just like you don’t wear cotton backpacking, you don’t wear cotton running.

So what to do? I was only about 20% to goal at this point, and I really didn’t want to spend all my cash monies at Lululemon or Lucy, but I needed to size down my tops. I ended up finding this top at Target in great shades (I literally own every color), and it is a great middle ground between fitted and loose. I wear it with my slimming racerback underneath, and it makes for great running, yoga and gym wear. If one top rides up or slips in an inversion, I still don’t show bellow. I also find sleeveless workout tops (something I never did in the past, no matter my weight) really beneficial in a workout, and really liberating. Also, it’s great to look at your arms during a workout and see the muscles working. I had a moment in Warrior 2 a few weeks ago where I had to do a double take on my biceps.

So that solved my top problem. Now, as I’ve lost over 30 lbs, I alternate between the fitted racerback and the looser one, with or without the extra layer.

A few weeks ago, it got hot in Chicago and my slimming microfiber pants were getting worn out and not so slimming (they are from Kohl’s, after all). I needed new bottoms. I know shorts and running crops are the way to go in the summer, but I’d never, ever exercised in either. Running crops make my legs look like a chicken’s (big thigh, little leg), and running shorts…ehhh...uuughhh. I spent a great deal of time trying different pairs and reading reviews online. When Gap had a 30% off promotion and their Gap Fit line had a lot on sale, I decided to try their crops and shorts.

They are great. They run a little big, so as a bottom heavy 8/10 at the moment, I absolutely needed a M in both, but they are surprisingly high quality and fit great. I ended up buying these mesh panel crops and these shorts in several colors. I have gotten compliments on both (who gets compliments on workout gear?).

My last secret weapon is color. I always veered towards neutrals for my workouts, but this year I decided to jump on the neon trend bandwagon, and buy a lot of neon for my workouts. I own these in yellow and in pink, and I try to incorporate as much color into my workouts as possible. It energizes me, and putting together an ensemble makes me more excited to get dressed for a workout in the morning. I revel in adding as much gratuitous neon as possible to every workout.

Wearing workout clothes that fit me, don’t interfere with my workout, and show off my curvy, but shrinking body have done wonders. Not only do I feel more athletic, but my workout are also better now that I’m not weighed down by heavy pants and soggy cotton Ts. I also am more excited to get into my workout gear, and less embarrassed about being seen in my workout clothes.

If you are in a workout rut, or putting off workouts because of the outfit, my prescription is more neon.

Healthy Style: Using the "Set Point"

I'd planned a post about our lovely Memorial Day weekend, complete with self-indulgent Instagram shots. Then I blogged over in Weight Watchers land, and, as seems to be the case more often now, I thought some of you might find my #healthyme story from this week useful. I've gotten a lovely, supportive response from folks about this journey I'm on, so I hope this might inspire or sustain someone out there. If not, skip it, and I'll return to the regularly scheduled fashion and style programming soon. Promise.

Last week I was struggling, and TrainerJen told me about the "set point." It's a fitness term for when folks losing weight hit a point at which the body (and mind) want to revert to the old ways.

It's a decision point.

It's a make-it-or-break-it point.

At least that's how I'm looking at it.

Now, if I struggle with it for a while, will my #healthyme journey go downhill? Nope. Might it be stalled for a while? Sure. Possible. But the truth of the matter is that it'll still be my #healthyme journey.

I'm not getting off of this #healthyme journey train, people. Not gonna do it.

Instead, I'm going to:

• keep tracking everything that passes my lips
• make mindful choices about what I ingest (which could mean fruit, or could mean chocolate; as long as it's mindful)
• schedule - and use - time for activity
• get my rear end into a pool and regain my swimmer's body completely
• stay active while we're down tha shore in the end of June
• not eat 2 dinners like I did on Sunday

The first of two dinners Sunday night, at the Lobster Loft, with the whole family. Lobster (her request), pasta, and french fries. Which is what he had for breakfast that morning, too. Mama had red wine, salad, prime rib, baked potato, and sauteed summer veggies.

OK. So that last one isn't ex-ACT-ly on the positive, mindful path I'm chosing for myself, but it was, quite frankly, a powerful moment to observe. Here's what I noticed:

• I ate a filling, but not sustaining, mildly indulgent breakfast of a blueberry pancake and some scrapple (rock on, PA!)
• I was hungry earlier than if I'd eaten one of my other breakfasts
• I didn't drink water pretty much all day
• I felt really, really good about how easy the 2+ hours of walking The Beans to the playground felt. 2 or 3 months ago, I would've been out of breath
• I ate barely any fruits or vegetables
• I tasted or finished The Beans' food (pizza, hot dog, and "drip saving" licks of ice cream)
• I exercised control at the first dinner, eating only a reasonable amount of the prime rib, only part of the baked potato (neither of which is inherently "bad"), and piled on the salad and veggie sides to compensate for less veggies during the day
• I exercised less control at the second dinner, "going for" dessert after an indulgent (but half) portion of my favorite mussel dish and one of our favorite restaurants (ahem - Mussel Bar Revel - ahem - wild mushroom, cream, lardons + speculoos ice cream, mocha ice cream, sour cherry sorbet - eep!)
• I drank 2 drinks: red wine and beer
• The next day was doubly hard because I was exhausted and "food hungover" while driving The Beans and me back to DC

So what does all of that tell me?

When I finally got around to tracking my food and activity the rest of the weekend (I'd had no access to my trusty e-tools from Sunday morning on), I was horrified. Embarrassed, even. I also kept remembering bits and pieces of the day's "nutrition" (such as The Bean's half hot dog). H had a similar experience.

My observations tell me that I need to drink more water, eat more fruits and veggies, and not finish The Beans' food. They also tell me that I apparently equate "down that shore" with "indulgence."

I was left on Monday night with a desperate feeling. I was desperate to plan activity and "earn back" some of the damage. I frantically tweeted and facebooked my intent to get in the pool, looking for company and moral support. Truth be told, my plan to do a yoga video last night? Failed. Well, rather, decided not to do it. I realized, through some lovely support I got from my online friends here, that 2 days of indulgence don't ruin a #healthyme journey. But I did go to yoga this morning, and I'm going to try and sneak in 30 minutes of swimming between work and The Bean's first dance recital rehearsal. I'm a little scared of the swimming, despite almost literally growing up in a pool, and find my mind attempting excuses (you don't have a racing suit, you don't have a cap, you don't have goggles, you don't have enough time).

I will swim today. I will earn more activity points (literally countering the negative food points I’ve got at the moment for the week), and still end up negative for the week, but let’s just say it won’t be nearly as bad as it looked on Monday night.

And I will have conquered a "set point" that my mind is attempting with all its little mind heart can find. And I will change the way I view our "down tha shore" time from "indulgent" to a place where we practice the cleaner, more mindful living that we've started.

And I can't wait.

Pssst! I like Myself! Don't tell!

I originally posted this over on my WW Online blog, where I share loads more (too much, really, sometimes, but that’s the whole point, quite frankly) on my #healthyme journey. And because I have such a spring in my step, and because I think it especially relevant to this style blogging world, and because I think I need to share it over here, I am. And you can tell me, like H does (read on), to get over myself. Go ahead.

I'm nobody, who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's two of us, don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know

How dreary to be somebody
How public, like a frog
to tell your name the livelong day
to an admiring bog.*

- Emily Dickinson

I wrote this post's title first. I was thinking about how lovely it is to like Me. I walk down the street nowadays, a little bit giddy to look at my reflection in the store and office building windows. Today, especially, I like my look. I have my Jason Wu for Target shirtdress on, it shows off my legs, and brown booties that are cut just right, so my slender (always, even 20+ lbs ago, it's a blessing) ankles really, well...

ok, enough of that.

I like myself.

I get excited to get dressed. I get excited to try on clothes. I feel good. Heck, I feel great, and I'm not even done #healthyme yet. In fact, I hope, wish, and pray I’ll never be done.

So that's what I was thinking when I typed the title. Then I popped into the "Write your post here" field, and a little Emily Dickinson came out. This is one of my absolutely favoritist pieces of literature, and has been since I was a child. It was especially pertinent in high school, I think, when I was Nobody. Or at least I felt that way.

Nowadays, I'm somebody. I'm a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, colleague, professional...all of those typical roles. I'm also a blogger, and an online presence. I have a small social media addiction, I suppose (even WW online counts, I think). H is always telling me to get over myself. But I get really excited when I get an invitation to an honestly exclusive event, or, [drumroll. seriously, drumroll] I get asked to "host" an in-store shopping event for a national clothing chain. Because some PR person did her homework and actually read my blog, which tells, in part, my #healthyme story. And then she offers clothes. Seriously.

H is proud, but he also reminds me "get over yourself." Regularly.

And then I typed Emily's words. They just came out. Maybe it's my psyche's way of keeping me humble and focused on What's Really Important about all of this: I'm healthy again, and continuing to improve that. I feel better. I like Me better. And I'm changing my life for the better, one bite, one meal, and one workout at a time.

*Ok, you literature geeks, I know I don't have all of Emily's unusual phrasing, capitalization, line breaks, or punctuation correct. And I'm not going to go look it up. At least not until later today, when I dig it out to read it to The Bean again. I'm teaching it to her by heart.

Healthy Style: Confessions of a Closet Sinner

Back when the Jason Wu for Target anticipation was high, I determined that I wouldn't go crazy and attempt a shopping trip like I'd planned for the Missoni for Target collection. I'd seen the pieces in evey blog imaginable, lookbooks, and tumblrs, and while they were sweet, I strongly suspected they wouldn't suit me. Adorable, but my body and Germanic boned fram rarely do "adorable" (think Valkyrie, or beermaid, and you're more on target; I'll even take "swimmer").

But then I woke that Saturday morning (probably ridiculously early because of the Beans), and saw my twitter feed lighting up with purchases (hooray for Target for getting your site up to snuff for the onslaught). I thought: "I'm not going to fire up the computer, but let me see - just out of curiosity - what's still there. I'll use my Droid app."

To the app I go, and browse around. There still appears to be stuff available. And it might just - maybe - fit me. "I can do t-shirt dresses," I thought. "And shift dresses are my friend."

But size. What do I do about size? "I'm pretty much at my heaviest," I think. So into my cart go the "Ls." 2 dresses and a blouse. Even though I'd sworn off button down blouses as not flattering to me, I was in love with the bright, sunny red. And who doesn't love pleats?

Jersey Dress, Collared Cap Sleeve Dress, Sleeveless Pleated Shift Dress

"I can always return them, and make someone else happy that they got a second chance to buy them," went my logic.

Or - and here goes the Closet Sin Confession - I can wait to wear them until I loose weight. Um? Yeah. Every girl knows Do Not Buy Things To Fit In Later. Ever.

But the hype worked. And I rationalized. So I risked having 3 items hanging in my closet that I'd never wear.

Bad Fashionista.

Tap. Type. Credit card.

The Target app rocks.

Fast forward, weeks later, and my purchases arrive. I didn't want to try them on. Though I'd bought them before I put my "I'm not buying any more clothes until I'm healthy" sanction went into place, I was honestly afraid that they'd be so drastically small. I waited.

A few days later, the curiosity got me. I openend the slim package and tried them on.

The blouse fit, allbeit a teeeensy bit tighter than I'd like. It worked with a skirt. I wore it that day. The pleated dress was a little bit snug, and probably too short for the office. But not so snug that I wasn't willing to return it. Because, you know, since I'd already sinned, I could continue the fantasy: It Might Fit Later.

The I couldn't, though, stomach trying on the t-shirt dress, despite the fact it was likely the most forgiving and flattering. I hung them all in the closet, waiting for Someday Later When I'm Skinnier.

[Fast Forward to Week 5 of #healthyme on Weight Watchers. Which would be last Friday, for those counting. But who's counting.]

Casual Friday in an already business casual office generally means jeans. But I didn't want to wear jeans. And I am a dressoholic, and I'd weighed in the day before at 11.9lbs lighter than when I started #healthyme. I've lost inches off all of the Places One Measures: waist, bust, hips, thighs, arms.

I put on the t-shirt dress.

I'm fairly certain my neighbors could hear my shrieks of joy. Some of you saw my tweet.

I tried a belt, a la Allie's great "What do I do when I'm losing weight to make my clothes fit" post. It worked shape-wise, but none of the belts in my drawer (at least none of the ones in there that morning, since my Beans regularly ransack my belt drawer; they're obsessed, seriously obsessed) really worked. So I let it hang, and delighted in the lovely lightweight jersey.

The dress, unlike some of Target's general stuff, is what I'd hope for from a hi-lo line. It's more delicate, finer, shall we say, than a regular t-shirt dress, but still has a good, weighty hand. True to Wu, the details, like a slightly sheer stipe and sleeve trim, aren't visible on the website picture. Never mind that the colors are springy, summery, and just a tad unexpected: navy and bright red are predictable enough, but the barely pink blush instead of white or cream makes the palette.

Yes, oh, Infintessimal Readership, this is a long post. But I'm excited. I'm excited because my #healthyme hard work is paying off. I'm excited because I long-shot purchase I'd never, ever advise anyone to risk (do as I say, not as I do, do not attempt at home, and all that jazz) worked much better than I'd thought. I'm excited because I feel great...and am on my way to feeling even better.

Bring it on!

New Adventures - In Life and Style

Well, then. A couple of things.

Job: After 9+ years - longer than I've been at this blog - I've decided to move on to a new company. It's a big step. Bigger than I thought. The interview process and even the salary negotiations were easy, relatively speaking. What got me - unexpectedly - was walking out the door today. Even though the company into which I (and H) poured my heart and soul was acquired almost 2 years go, I sat in my full-to-the-gills-with-9-years-of-stuff car today in the parking garage and cried. Big cries.

I'm guessing it was a release. And I'm guessing it won't be the last time I do it over the next few weeks.

Most of you know that my job has crazy hours, demanding clients, blah, blah, blah. While I think my new position will still have those things, I'm hoping that a shorter commute and new mix of responsibilities will mean I'm better able to share with you the thoughts I have around DC Style - and style in general. Yes, I'm hoping to blog more. And yes, I'm looking forward to seeing if there are style differences from VA to MD. (Also: not-so-secretly thrilled to be back in MD and no longer in NoVA of any variety. Sorry, Virginians.)

Me: I am not healthy. No, I'm not ill, but I am overweight, and I'm out of shape. I don't feel good, and I don't like that I don't feel good. So I'm getting healthy.

In my "Mamacation" last week, I had a huge To-Do-List. Among things like organizing The Beans' toys (thank you, Container Store!) and getting our minivan into the shop for major repairs after being rear-ended 2 weeks ago, I managed two very important items.

1) I signed up - back up - for the gym. Not only did I spontaneously get my rear end to the gym and wait forever for the membership person to meet with me, but I forced my poor mother, who was with me that day, to shop Tenleytown for at least an hour more than she expected to while the Gym Lady grilled me (nicely) about my habits and goals. On top of that, I bought 3 additional hours with a trainer (and expect I might do more). I need to move, and I need to move now.

2) I signed up for Weight Watchers. I have never. ever. ever. done anything like this in my entire life. I've never done any kind of organized nutritional plan. Ever. I've periodically cut out this or that, and last year H and I kept the Orthodox Christian fast for Lent, which is very strict. That being said, I need to re-teach myself how to eat well. I need to do it for me, for H, and for The Beans. Between my doctor (it's the only program of any kind she endorses) and a number of dear friends who've re-learned how to live healthily, it seems like it will be the right choice for me.

So there you have it. Just a few little changes going on in my life - all for the better.

All good things.

If you're not already following me on Twitter, please do. @DCCeline. If you want to see where I am on my get-healthy goals, look for #healthyme