The Doldrums

As I sit here at Marvelous Market, alternately reviewing government documents that will continue to make my life hell for the next two months, facebooking, tweeting, and emailing what feel, like long-lost-friends, I'm in the Doldrums. Not the naval phenomenon, and not those Milo runs across in his wacky literary adventures (gold star if you get the reference), but the I-haven't-showered-or-washed-or-cut-my-hair-and-hate-everything-in-my-closet kind.

Part of it, if you've been following my tweets, is that I've been working ridiculous hours. I miss my kids and H, we have no food cooked in the house (popchips and Masala Art takeout are staples right now), and the last thing on my mind is putting together a reasonable outfit, let alone putting on makeup. I know better. I know that, if I've been working all night, haven't slept, and need to keep focusing, that showering, putting on makeup, and at minimum a coordinated outfit without babyfood stains will make me feel better. I learned that a long time ago, from a dear friend whom I will purposefully never see again. You've heard me say all this before, I know.

Part of it is that I've gained weight. A lot. I've matched my highest, pre-wedding (not baby-induced) weight. Which is not a good thing. I'd lost weight after Bean #2, but then gained it back. Eating like a pig and indulging as comfort...well, not helpful. I haven't made it to any kind of workout or yoga class in months. (I ran into my yoga teacher from last semester at Politics & Prose last week. She was, as every yoga instructor I've ever encountered is, kind, patient, and understanding. Which doubled my guilt at not going.) Nothing in my closet fits except for my "fat pants" and two pair of beloved LOFT cordorouy pants that fit like blessed gloves and miraculously don't make me feel like a sausage.

The last part is that I just don't have time. I don't have time to shop. I don't have time to iron. I don't have time to drop and pick up drycleaning on the 3 things I own that make me feel good. So I don't. I feel like crap because I can't be bothered. I haven't even bothered to wear my favorite shoes (lillybees, I'm lookin' at you, kids) because my months-old pedicure is so nasty that I can't even fake it under fishnets in peeptoes. So I wear my grey booties daily. Which is all fine and good in icky weather, but when the sun starts to peek out and buds (or bugs, as The Bean calls them) are flirting with breaking through their barked cocoons, grey ankle booties just won't cut it.

So I'm slowly plotting my return. Slowly, people. I can't take more than that. What's the plan, you ask? Well, it's been underway for a leeetle bit. And I'll keep you posted, but here we go...

1) Go out in public with real clothes and talk to non-work people. Check. I went to last week's launch of Jill Kargman's hilarious (laughed out loud during my bathroom reading) Sometimes I Feel Like a Nut at ginger. I squeezed myself into a girdle (let's face it, it's not a "shaper"), put on tights, lillybees, a dress (crazy, but now I can't even remember which one), and a vintage astrakhan coat from my MIL. I chatted with Jill, the incomparable Babsie D, and a lovely writer I've met before. Just three people, but they were people.

2) Get a haircut. Almost check. I see Jae today at 3pm.

3) Buy new shoes. Since I'm not happy with my body, I can play with my feet fashion. Almost check. Taking The Bean with me to the Georgetown simplysoles outpost today.

4) Get healthy. Ok. That's a much longer term one, but I'll get there. And if you have it in your hearts to help me, reminding me along the way, I'll take whatever support I can get.

5) Buy a few pieces I love NOW. Not for the future healthy me, but for the Rubenesque, Now Me. First stop: March 29 DSS.

6) Keep going. Even when I'm distracted or have relapses into UnshoweredWorld, I will get. back. on. the. wagon.

And I'll kiss the Doldrums goodbye.

The Teenager Me - Recycled

It took me years, literally, to find a pair of "riding boots" that I loved - and that fit my muscular calves (I have dainty ankles, but inherited my Pop's calves, which are great, but not good for tall boot wearing). Finally, Ginger came through at the DSS, and I scored a perfect Modern Vintage pair (thanks, in part, to a lovely lady who didn't play the mean evil shopper and let me go first). I wear them constantly in cooler weather.

Then, today, my facebook feed displayed these beauties.

Boden, a funny, sophisticated British venture that started out with 8 menswear items, had posted these. I think they did it just for me. While a small fortune at 179 pounds, they might just be worth it. There's something to be said for the English fashion aesthetic - at least the one that's not all tweed and jodphurs. In your face, snarky, and always a little twisted, the Brits have a way of saying it all - louder than you'd expect them to do in a quiet demure tearoom, of course.

I adore, and always have a soft spot in my heart for lace and bodices and refined, soft colors (yes, I devour historical novels). That's one Teenager Me, dreaming of her Gilbert (yes, yes, I know that's a Canadian story, but you get the picture). The other Teenager Me stomped around in what she thought was cool and not-like-anyone-else in her daddy's plaid blazer, her mother's "paint" jeans, and vests and blouses that should've stayed at the thrift store. That same Teenager Me hung with the theater crowd, which in our school was an odd mix of punk and hippie. (The same dear friends who post their kids' pics on fb one minute, and announce their attendance at a Depeche Mode concert the next, and incidentally, just gathered for a mini-reunion I missed at a local winery owned by the parents of one said friend. I raise a glass, my dears.)

Four years ago The Met had an amazing exhibit on British fashion - in which McQueen, Westwood, and the Royals all played a part. And I fell in love again. I should've done it then, and hopefully I'll do it now, but it's time to bring a little Brit punk to the world - if I can swing a 179 pound pair of boots into the budget.

Shop in Style: DSS Fall 2010

While I strongly suspect I'll be buying accessories only (last time I found my beloved Modern Vintage riding boots at Ginger and my Stitches jeans), as I'm not quiiiiiite where I'd like to be, size-wize, maybe this fall's DSS will be my re-launch into StyleLand. We hope.

Shop in Style: On the Row...

...Bethesda Row.

This one might just warrant a little covert operation of me having a - ahem - doctor's appointment in the afternoon. Normally, I'm such a concientious employee, but a girl's gotta have a wardrobe, and mine is piddly squat right now.

What: Bethesda Row Preview Trunk Show & Sale - Ginger Boutique, Urban Chic, Tickled Pink, and Lucy - the perfect excuse to check out the Row's redevelopment (make sure you check the link for all the fab new stores arriving soon!)

Where: 4836 Bethesda Avenue

When: Wednesday, 16 April, 12-8pm

Why: ummmmm...let's see...SALE? Maybe a reversible Kristin Kahle belt from Ginger, a pair of London Sole shoes from Urban Chic, a perky resort piece from Tickled Pink, and, so you can fit into it all and show off those newly toned arms, new workout gear from Lucy. And if you're there at happy hour, mmmm, Lebanese Taverna.