Lighter than...

air?

Lighter.

I feel lighter today. There’s a weight that’s lifted off my shoulders and my neck. I can turn my head more freely, to look around me and see my world. I can stand taller. I feel cleaner. I feel clearer.

The deadlines I write of still loom. In my business, they always do. The boxes still sit from our move, some unpacked, some not, some opened, but still full, sticking their proverbial noses out at me. We have a guest coming for three weeks, and nothing’s ready.

But I feel lighter.

On the surface, it’s my hair. I went to Jae today, and when she asked, “Just a trim?” per usual, I told her I was feeling a little antsy. “Do whatever you want,” I said. After...jeez...20 years? of cutting my hair, I trust her. She knows me.

She talked me out of my itch to put in a colored streak. Just a little one, tucked under, at the nape of my neck, where you really couldn’t see it. “But is it me pushing 42 and trying too hard to be young?” I asked her. She paused. A long time. Got it.

So I read a silly magazine, and we caught up. She worked her magic, quickly, efficiently. With each snip, I felt cleaner and lighter.

Cut, all Jae Woo at Franz Sebastian Salon, Bethesda. Color, all mine.

It’s a little shorter and a little edgier than my recent long cut. I’m a sucker for long hair. I love being able to put it up, and I love feeling it fall down my back. It’s glamorous, and I have a naturally covetable hair color. Truth be told, though? While it had been a bit too long since my last cut, I was particularly lazy on hair maintenance this time around. I’m a once-a-week washer, at best (thank the lord for dry shampoo). I can blow dry my hair well, but I don’t. Even if I could find my dryer in the boxes, I’m lazy, and only blow it out once in a while. So my hair loses...something.

“You look good!” No.2 said when he saw me afterwards. “But it’s too crazy and poofy.” They like what they like - and what they’re used to.

So do we. We like what we like. We like what we’re used to. We like our habits. But today, I took a total of an hour, including the drive and parking, as Jae’s the fastest stylist in town, and let someone alter a little thing (because let’s face it, she knows me, and the cut just isn’t that radical) lift me up and out.

I took care of myself today, and honored myself by maintaining my physical appearance. I let go of whatever had been hanging on in my lazy hair: that overwhelmed feeling that doesn’t let me feel like I can wash it, that reluctance to “bother” with something so trivial when I have so many other things to do, that focus on everything else.

Wash. Wash. Wash.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

Poof. Poof. Poof.

One hour. Lighter.

Climbing out of the Doldrums - Check, and almost check

My next steps in the Big Climb?

First was a haircut. Check.

Second was shoe shopping. Almost check.

Wednesday, right after I posted, I picked The Bean up from school and took her to lunch. Because she was having such a lovely time playing with one of her little friends, we invited LittleFriend and HerMama to join us at Kafé Leopold. While the girls climbed all over the banquette, almost behaving, our VeryNiceWaiter tolerated us and the Mamas chatted. We felt positively normal. And the girls had a great time. (oh yes, and they did let us in, despite my absolutely schlumpy duds)

Note to self: go more often. It'll keep me from seriously jonesing Austria. At least for now.

After lunch, we swung by my favorite (as if you couldn't tell, since I wear their shoes almost every day) boutique, simplysoles. And while Miss Kassie wasn't there (off getting the new Richmond location ready for it's opening this weekend!), we did a quick browse, and bought two headbands - one for the bean (which she's worn proudly non-stop since), and one for Mama. I set my sights on a couple of pairs of shoes. Now. Do I take the risk and wait for DSS? Or take the sale prices now? Hmmmm...

Then we dashed off (the Bean nodding off "Mama, I love you" in her carseat) to Franz Sebastian to see Miss Jae. Scrubbed and coiffed, I felt 1001% better. Still do, in fact. We got in a bit of style gossip (have you heard about Erwin?), and The Bean got to have her bob trimmed. Such the little lady. Or Diva, as her sitter calls her. When I asked her later who do you like to do your hair (she's been to H's barber, and MIL's hairdresser, too), she answered "the girl with the team shirt." Jae was wearing a fun sports-jersey-esque top. That's my girl.

So...two more items down, a bunch more to go. Up next?

Get healthy - this will be a long road. But maybe I'll have some extra fruit today. Or even some veggies.

Buy a few pieces I love NOW. Not for the future healthy me, but for the Rubenesque, Now Me - starting that this afternoon - a stolen afternoon jaunt to Friendship Heights, to see if I can get a couple of tops or lightweight sweaters I'm happy in. Even if it's one, it's one more than I have now.

Keep going. Even when I'm distracted or have relapses into UnshoweredWorld, I will get. back. on. the. wagon.

The Doldrums

As I sit here at Marvelous Market, alternately reviewing government documents that will continue to make my life hell for the next two months, facebooking, tweeting, and emailing what feel, like long-lost-friends, I'm in the Doldrums. Not the naval phenomenon, and not those Milo runs across in his wacky literary adventures (gold star if you get the reference), but the I-haven't-showered-or-washed-or-cut-my-hair-and-hate-everything-in-my-closet kind.

Part of it, if you've been following my tweets, is that I've been working ridiculous hours. I miss my kids and H, we have no food cooked in the house (popchips and Masala Art takeout are staples right now), and the last thing on my mind is putting together a reasonable outfit, let alone putting on makeup. I know better. I know that, if I've been working all night, haven't slept, and need to keep focusing, that showering, putting on makeup, and at minimum a coordinated outfit without babyfood stains will make me feel better. I learned that a long time ago, from a dear friend whom I will purposefully never see again. You've heard me say all this before, I know.

Part of it is that I've gained weight. A lot. I've matched my highest, pre-wedding (not baby-induced) weight. Which is not a good thing. I'd lost weight after Bean #2, but then gained it back. Eating like a pig and indulging as comfort...well, not helpful. I haven't made it to any kind of workout or yoga class in months. (I ran into my yoga teacher from last semester at Politics & Prose last week. She was, as every yoga instructor I've ever encountered is, kind, patient, and understanding. Which doubled my guilt at not going.) Nothing in my closet fits except for my "fat pants" and two pair of beloved LOFT cordorouy pants that fit like blessed gloves and miraculously don't make me feel like a sausage.

The last part is that I just don't have time. I don't have time to shop. I don't have time to iron. I don't have time to drop and pick up drycleaning on the 3 things I own that make me feel good. So I don't. I feel like crap because I can't be bothered. I haven't even bothered to wear my favorite shoes (lillybees, I'm lookin' at you, kids) because my months-old pedicure is so nasty that I can't even fake it under fishnets in peeptoes. So I wear my grey booties daily. Which is all fine and good in icky weather, but when the sun starts to peek out and buds (or bugs, as The Bean calls them) are flirting with breaking through their barked cocoons, grey ankle booties just won't cut it.

So I'm slowly plotting my return. Slowly, people. I can't take more than that. What's the plan, you ask? Well, it's been underway for a leeetle bit. And I'll keep you posted, but here we go...

1) Go out in public with real clothes and talk to non-work people. Check. I went to last week's launch of Jill Kargman's hilarious (laughed out loud during my bathroom reading) Sometimes I Feel Like a Nut at ginger. I squeezed myself into a girdle (let's face it, it's not a "shaper"), put on tights, lillybees, a dress (crazy, but now I can't even remember which one), and a vintage astrakhan coat from my MIL. I chatted with Jill, the incomparable Babsie D, and a lovely writer I've met before. Just three people, but they were people.

2) Get a haircut. Almost check. I see Jae today at 3pm.

3) Buy new shoes. Since I'm not happy with my body, I can play with my feet fashion. Almost check. Taking The Bean with me to the Georgetown simplysoles outpost today.

4) Get healthy. Ok. That's a much longer term one, but I'll get there. And if you have it in your hearts to help me, reminding me along the way, I'll take whatever support I can get.

5) Buy a few pieces I love NOW. Not for the future healthy me, but for the Rubenesque, Now Me. First stop: March 29 DSS.

6) Keep going. Even when I'm distracted or have relapses into UnshoweredWorld, I will get. back. on. the. wagon.

And I'll kiss the Doldrums goodbye.

To-Do List

Wash hair
See Jae for desperately needed haircut
Get new makeup to replace ancient stuff (eyeshadow already replaced with urban decay and smashbox)
Start working out
Get new clothes to replace boring ones

Yes. Wash hair. I promise I'll do it soon. Maybe even tonight. Or maybe tomorrow.

Breaking News: Work Gets in Way of Social Life (and Blog)

That whole federal contractor, saving the world, serving our country thing? Well, so not a fan today.

The Government decided to release an RFP we were awaiting - yesterday. Deadline end of May. Translation? MUCHO work for yours truly.

Now, I was waaaaaaaaaay behind on paper (it's all very cemented in my head, really!), and bossman and H (yup, we work together occasionally) would really like to see more progress. But I lost any chance I had of swinging my evening at the DC Scout B-day fest tonight when the Government actually did their job.

Pooey.

So I'll just have to settle for finally getting my hair cut (about 2 months overdue), getting to the doc (5 months overdue), and getting to Erwin (hmmm...probably pushing 6 months - at least).

Then I'll go home, all gussied up, with only my laptop and Big Binder o' Government Documents to keep me company.

Oh, and H. He'll be right next to me with his, though he won't be quite as pretty as I.

A little behind

on my personal grooming, I'm about 2 months overdue for a cut and, well, I can't remember the last time I saw Erwin. Literally. I know I've been since The Bean arrived, but life has gotten in the way and forced many a reschedule. I have no idea how I haven't made it onto the salon blacklist, except that I've been with both Jae and Erwin since, well, for a long time. Jae and I have known each other longer than I've known H.

My hand forced by an also overdue annual doc appointment, I'm taking the afternoon in two weeks to do Stuff I Have to Do.

We won't mention that I'll conveniently have been to the salon the afternoon of the DC Scout Bday Bash, where there might be pictures taken.

Now...off to the outfit planning. This might just call for a new one.

The Bean and the Celeb

The Bean met her first "DC celeb" today. No, not a senator. An eyebrow guru.

This has been my week to clean up - almost literally. Hair, brows, and tomorrow I'm going to tackle my closet (have to see which work clothes still fit the Beanbody). Jae was Tuesday, and Erwin cleaned up the mess that was my brows this afternoon (how he does it so quickly, I'll never know. They were a disaster, since my last visit was about a month before The Bean arrived.)

Erwin and co. cooed appropriately over the new baby. Erwin added on "I can't believe you have a baby. You just got married. It's so wierd." This from a man whose own baby, Chanel, has her puppy toenails painted.

The Bean slept through the entire i-pod soundtracked event. Tells you where we are on her priority list.

Clearly, she's headed on to bigger and better things than I.

Style and the Drama Queen Bean

The Bean visited her first salon today - Lux Studios to see my longtime tress manager, Jae Woo. I've known Jae longer than I've known H.

I was in desperate need of a trim (the shape was still perfect, as Jae's cuts last for-ev-er), so I made an appointment, and

[pause, as my daughter pulls a perfect drama queen cry, "pay attention to me!"]

decided to take The Bean along. She did beautifully, and I feel much better with coiffed tresses.

And now she's perfecting the cry - I swear she's doing it on purpose to get my attention - not that she needs a diaper change or fed or is tired - just wants mommy's attention.

Gonna have to watch that girl.

To Bang or Not To Bang?

(Get your minds out of the gutters.)

I finally made it to see Jae on Tuesday. Much needed, particularly after a late night and early morning (I will pull myself away from work, I will pull myself away from work...100 times on the blackboard). Somehow, every time I go to see her now, I'm exhausted. Nearly fall asleep during the shampoo exhausted.

I've known her so long (longer than H - nearly a decade), I trust her implicitly. Unless I want to do something drastic (like my big foray into bangs), I don't have to say a word - she just cuts the right cut for me. Last time I was there, we sorta talked about growing out the bangs - with impending Mommydom, maybe it'd be easier.

Then, at the marimekko opening, I talked with Sandy (a Proctor & Gamble/Graham Webb rep and hair guru) for quite a while about all sorts of things...including my bang decision. We decided I should keep them. Why give them up? I'm me, not Just a Mom. So what if it takes a few minutes to blow dry them? I'm sure I can manage - or, if not, headbands are lovely (especially $3 ones from H&M).

There. Is. No. Reason. For. Mom. Hair.

I know you agree - as does Post Mom-extraordinaire Jill Hudson Neal. Now, I happen to disagree with her - Katie Holmes Cruise' new 'do is chic and slick - and does suit her (though I'm not sure that she's not trying too hard to be Victoria). But the point is, stay who you are - hair and all.

Choices Revealed

Thanks to all who voted today. The Infintessimal Readership was unanimous - get spoiled with a haircut.

But life chose for me...sadly. My stylist, Jae, whom I've known for 10 years now, lost her grandmother this morning. My heart goes out to her. Please send her and her family all sorts of good karma and thoughts.

Packing for Greece...if I ever get to it.

Let's just say that I'm thankful I've traveled a lot. Packing happens for me in about 30 seconds. 60 if it's winter and I'm trying to stuff things into a bag.

Everyone has different packing styles. Take, for example, me and my mother-in-law. My style? I just told you. List in head for a week (or not), then pack on the fly. Invariably I end up with a few too many tops, but worse things could happen. MiL? She's been packed for a month. I kid you not. MiL's a very planned and "get it done now, so I can play later" kinda gal (dinner's often cooked by the time I get up in the morning). It's served her well. So she started packing in the spare room about a month ago. She'll be packed, then think twice, pull something out, replace it, see a weather report, change it again...

So when I left this morning, already mildly stressed about trying to get further with the aforementioned thesis-type project thingy and transition my projects to coworkers for the next two weeks, I really wasn't even considering packing. It'll happen. Someday. Our plane departs tomorrow dinnertime, so I figure I'll get it done at some point. No worries. Jae and Erwin tomorrow morning are much more important (I'll feel good, even if I have nothing to wear) than getting my crap in a bag.


[12 hours after I started this post...continued...]


But I did find 10 minutes before a meeting and again after my brain conked out on work & school to make a list of the things I think I should pack. I'll spare you all of the vitamins and face products, but here's the pre-packing clothing list.


2 Old Navy tanks (one in True Blue, one in a berry color that doesn't seem to be on the website)
orange sparkly Indian-inspired Chrome Hearts tank
INC sheer blue T
4 summery, flowy tunic-y blouses lent me by a marvelous GreekGoddess friend who just gave birth to her first daughter
an iie
blue Motherhood Maternity dress
linen Old Navy halter dress (for some reason not on the website - wish it were - it's so non "M")
a standby cami
tummy sleeves (one black, one nude)
underwear (of course)
socks (in case my feet get cold at night)
trouser socks (eew, I know, but just in case it gets cold over there - it's possible)
tights (see above comment, but without the "eew")
Old Navy rollover waist khakis (Babsie D, you were right, right, right - don't knock 'em til you try 'em - and I never want to wear anything else ever again - but also can't find these online)
Citizen standby jeans
an old standby printed Ann Taylor skirt - just in case
favorite brown merino v-neck sweater
favorite black cowl neck sweater (again, just in case it's cold)
a black cotton motorcycle jacket (Gap, 300 seasons ago, but it's still one of my favorites)
red cotton raincoat
teal silk pashmina-like shawl - perfect for the plane!


Shoes are a little extensive...but here goes
Mia stars flats - like slippers - with stars! (for some reason, 3 of the last 4 pairs of shoes I've bought have been Brasilian-born - something to look into there)
my orange flats
standby black heels (just in case)
gold strappy sandals
my favorite bought-in-Miama with BlueSuitGirl ankle wrap sandals
my new Grasshoppers
slippers (oddly enough, also with stars)


And, of course, accessories...but I haven' t decided on those yet.


MiL says that the shoe shopping in Greece is to-die-for - lots of little boutiques. I promise a full report - and I'll tell you if I actually packed any of what I listed, let alone whether or not I wore it.


See you on April 11th! I'll let you know how visiting the relatives in Athens and Chania, Crete, was!